OPINION PIECE C

Dating in College: What’s your price?

Dating in 2013 is nothing like it was in the 60’s. In fact, dating in college is completely different from dating after college. College students are notoriously unconcerned about their romantic encounters. They look around the changing environment and choose what they consider to be a safer route. Marriage rates are going down and divorce rates are going up. What’s to be optimistic about? So the attitude evolves into indifference and then into a craving for attention with no long-term commitment or even a lingering friendship in order to increase security. Most of us figure that we’re never going to find that one person we want to spend the rest of our lives with. The idea of a “soul mate” is so restrictive that most college students throw this idea away in favor of carrying on a series of non-committed relationships. But this new collective attitude has unmistakable and unpredictable negative repercussions: broken hearts. We need a system to prevent unmet expectations and unfulfilling relationships as a way to boost optimism in America for finding a partner for life and increasing marriage rates.

If you read dating guidance books like The Rules, they give a very strict set of guidelines to follow that are nearly impossible for college students: don’t accept a date for Saturday night after Wednesday, don’t see him more than twice a week, don’t live with him until you’re engaged. The rules for college kids have evolved but our attitudes have out-evolved our working knowledge of how the opposite sex thinks.

Instead of focusing on how the other sex thinks, we would be more successful in thinking about how humans think. People want what they can’t have. They want the shiniest thing in the display case with the highest price tag, no matter how unaffordable it is. From this information, it is possible to create a personal price. The more expensive you appear, the more desirable you are. But you can’t just look expensive, you have to be expensive. While always looking good is of the utmost importance, what good is looking good if you appear to give it away too easily? Now you’re a pretty item that only costs $5. You want to be a pretty item that costs so much that only the best suited will be willing to pay your price. Your price is not a dollar amount. It’s a representation of the amount of work someone will have to put in to meet your expectations and ultimately win your heart. These expectations will not appear on your price tag. You have to “train” your date to follow them without actually telling them what you want. For example, I expect my date to treat me with respect. He can do this by showing up when he says he will and being courteous to my friends and family. Should my date fail to meet my expectations, I’ll stop seeing him or explain the importance of whatever he failed to do.

Many people play the traditional hard to get game but never mastered the art. Yes, you must restrict your availability to ensure the other person isn’t getting an overwhelming dose of you. At the same time, you must raise your price another way, not just by limiting your supply, but by evolving yourself from a normal good to a luxury good by having clear and meaningful expectations. By using a system that places value on ourselves, we can minimize our romantic losses and heartbreaks to find better quality partners who see and recognize our value and adhere to our expectations.